The Atheist’s Bible – A confession

4 April 2007

UPDATE: Now updated for Summer 2007, with added dogma!

I’m sorry. Sorry to my fellow atheists, agnostics, freethinkers and other non-believers, I’m afraid I can’t do it any more. And I’m sorry to the believers out there, for deceiving you.

I admit that I’m a fundamentalist. I admit that I’m dogmatic.

To assuage my boundless guilt, I’m opening up the lie and alerting the wider god-believing world to the existence of The Atheist’s Bible (PDF) that we’ve kept as a secret from the prying eyes of believers for these many, many years.

I can’t keep up this pretence that we don’t have a bible any longer. I’d like to thank our insider spook at the Vatican for keeping it safe in their vaults for so very long.

Note: I should have revealed this at the beginning of the month, but I had to pluck up the courage for a revelation so bold. Oh, and find the USB key drive with the PDF on.

No other posts are likely to be like this.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Tags: no tags

Comments

161CommentsThe+Atheist%27s+Bible+-+A+confession2007-04-04+21%3A50%3A39nullifidian to “The Atheist’s Bible – A confession”

Heather on April 4th, 2007 10:18 pm

Great.It converted me straight off
nullifidian on April 4th, 2007 10:49 pm

As it should, miss. As it should…
Intergalactic Hussy on April 5th, 2007 12:14 am

Uhh! Our cover has been blown… LOL. Chapter one is my favorite.
Captainjoekickass on April 5th, 2007 12:20 am

Is this available in hardcover? I’d like to swear on it in court.
Honjii on April 5th, 2007 1:34 am

Sighhhhhhhhhhhh….
and after I went to all the trouble to write Atheism
is Not a Religion to keep the bloodhounds off our trail you have to go and make me look like a fool.

On the other hand I can now use THE BOOK to counter arguments about that other bible. For example when a wild-eyed fundamentalist asks me to prove there is no god, I can show them our bible and say (with glazed eyes) I know it’s true because it is written right here. In fact, from now on when the god squad (that is how I affectionately refer to a couple of fundamentalists who seem to monitor my blog) asks me to prove there is no god (which they do regularly), with your permission, I will refer them to “The Atheists Bible”. They keep referring me to theirs, but it is long and boring, (and who has that kind of time to waste) whereas ours is short, sweet, and to the point.
evtujo on April 5th, 2007 6:02 am

I thought atheists worshipped satan. Now I’m really confused. There is evidence for him at least: http://richarddawkins.net/article,835,n,n
TW on April 7th, 2007 11:07 pm

Brilliant.
Christopher on April 9th, 2007 12:11 am

A good fundamentalist would KNOW that their bible is true. After all it says so right there in their bible. That’s what we need. An addition that declares everything in the athiest bible is true. :D
Erik on May 12th, 2007 3:07 pm

Doesn’t this sorta defeat the purpose of being an atheist. Its not a religion sorta seems contradictory if you ask me. We aren’t supposed to be and organized thing. I just hope atheism doesn’t turn into some kinda cult crap.
nullifidian on May 12th, 2007 3:53 pm

Erik wrote:

Doesn’t this sorta defeat the purpose of being an atheist. Its not a religion sorta seems contradictory if you ask me. We aren’t supposed to be and organized thing. I just hope atheism doesn’t turn into some kinda cult crap.

It’s rather sad that you didn’t notice the date of this post, and the note at the bottom of it. These clues might have gone some way to militate your concerns, one might expect.
Bob on May 14th, 2007 4:53 am

…Does anyone realize how fucking stupid that is? You’re just proving exactly how dumb atheism can be. Congratulations! Atheism is now just another way to look down on people! Following in the proud tradition of Catholicism, Protestantism, Baptism, Judaism…..

Not Buddhism, though. But that’s not really a religion, right? Religion means belief in God. At least to uneducated atheist morons like you. :)
nullifidian on May 14th, 2007 6:30 am

Bob: You win the “I can’t recognise humour/sarcasm when I see it, even when it’s staring me in the face” award! Congratulations!
Gnomito on May 14th, 2007 3:28 pm

You FOOL! You’re ruined everything. Do you have ANY idea how many adorably cute kittens we’ve had to kill over the years to keep our secrets?
nullifidian on May 14th, 2007 4:18 pm

Dagnamit! My conscience was pricking.
Strappado on May 16th, 2007 1:00 am

Nice! Predictable, but nice!
Anonymous Bosch on May 16th, 2007 11:46 am

Not so. Religion does not mean belief in God. Deism is the belief in God. When those deists all gather together and decide what is moral and ask for money to uphold those morals – that is religion. Yep, Buddhists do that too.
Fakatabalado on January 10th, 2009 5:05 am

I don't want a book telling me what I believe in. That's the whole reason I became an atheist in the first place.
nullifidian on January 11th, 2009 3:02 am

Congratulations on the success of your sense of humour bypass operation.